Monday, October 17, 2011


I feel kinda lost. I feel like i don't belong sometimes. Like i am so confused in my own life. How can someone feel like there life is not going right. Like there is too many turns, and all the wrong ones.
I want a baby more than anything. I want to go to school. I want everyone to be happy. I want to move into i different house. I want to go on a shopping spree. I want to get out of town, have a vacation. I want to buy my kids the best presents for Christmas. I want and want and want. But do i get any of it. No i don't.
I am starting to realize, that maybe the timing is not right for a baby. That we need to wait a little bit longer for our angel baby to come. As badly as i want that sweet spirit around. I think it needs to wait. We need to get some things straighten out in our lives before our sweet angel comes. It makes me very very sad and depressed. But i know its the best. I know i need to figure some things out in life.
I think i am going to focus mostly on being a wife and mother. To be the best person that i can be. And to try to go to school. Also to be more spiritual. Focus on Jac and I going to the temple. Its our goal, in a year. So life is a bit confusing right now. I am hoping i can get it all figured out. I am just at the moment feeling very lonely and confused and lost. I just want things to go perfectly for once. But that is just a dream i guess. We can't have what we want. At least not all the time. One step at a time. Patience and Faith. I am having faith that everything will work out. Please work out!

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